the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
operation harelip BJ is a go
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
