I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
