whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
