i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
