ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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