Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
