who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
