Apparently you make a good broom.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
