he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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