New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize