I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
