I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
