told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
