I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
