rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
