I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
