im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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