yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
