there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
