I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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