i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
