I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
So vagazzling was a success
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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