yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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