apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I've blown a few things in my day
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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