So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
