onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
