she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
