i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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