Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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