Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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