There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
