He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
