how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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