she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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