'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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