Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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