Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
