I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
