I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
