So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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