Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
