i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
