Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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