That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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