my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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