Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
