I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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