Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
