Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my shit smells like andre
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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