his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
